I Think Someone Has Been Spying On Me

Seriously. Because this blog post TOTALLY sums up my inability to be an adult.

Reason #6357 of Why I'm Glad I Don't Have Kids

I think over the period of the last 2 weeks I have managed to worry myself into an ulcer.

After being unemployed for the better part of the year & making Goddess knows how many phone calls to prospective employers & endless numbers of applications, I finally had a job. Well, I had an offer of employment & a trip to orientation. For those not in the know, getting a trucking job is slightly different than a regular job. Technically you aren't a real employee unless you make it through orientation, which includes a DOT physical & a drug screen & they hand you your fuel card & keys, at least at most companies. Most companies pay you for this orientation period, generally 2-3 days, but not until you have completed the entire process & if you flunk out for any reason, you get nothing. Unless the prospective employer is J.B. Hunt.

I had applied for a local position with J.B. for doing store deliveries out of the new Home Depot in Van Buren, OH. My application was accepted & I drove to Louisville for orientation. The first day was spent doing a few thing on the computer to finalize our applications, DOT physicals, drug screens & road tests. I must say I couldn't believe how rusty my shifting was after 5 months, but I digress. Day 2 was the J.B. Hunt physical which includes a step test, moving some weights around, & climbing onto this table like thing made to resemble the back of a trailer. Well I didn't make it pass the step test. You have to step up & down for 3 minutes, then they check your heart rate. It has to be down to 120 in 5 minutes. Mine was 125 after 5 minutes. Sorry, no job for you.

Now on to the worrying part. I actually got paid for those 2 days of orientation. A whole $118.05. Not bad pay considering most of the time I was sitting on my ass reading my nook or knitting. So I come home all dejected & pissed off & proceeded to spend the next 2 days getting drunk. Then comes time to refile my unemployment. I fill in all the pertinent info & being the honest person that I am I report the monies actually made during my 2 days of 'employment'. Come that Friday, I check my online statement & I only got payed for 1 week. At first I figured because I had income they would figure out the rest later that week. On Tuesday I go to the post office & check my mail & there is a letter from the communist State of Illinois Unemployment Office saying I may no longer be eligible because of my 2 days of employment. Cue heart palpitations & light headedness.

So after worrying myself sick for the last 2 weeks & applying to even more jobs, Wednesday rolls around & I refile my unemployment once again. All day Wednesday & Thursday I was a wreck wondering if I was going to get a check this week. I was thinking OMG I have to SELL ALL THE THINGS. Truth be told I'd rather sell a kidney than my nook, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do, being a semi-responsible adult & all. Cue 08:23 Friday. With much trepidation I logged onto the site where I can check my balance. After tying in my login info, I closed my eyes & clicked. I sat there for a good 5 minutes with my eyes closed, afraid of what I'd see. When I finally got up the nerve to open my eyes, I was never so happy to $738 in my mother fucking life.

What ensued was the happiest nekkid fat girl dance the gods have ever seen.

I so couldn't imagine my stress level if I had to support someone else. Of course if I had kids maybe I could have sold them into white slavery & all my money woes would be over.