First a little background, my step sister is 43 & has 23 year old twin daughters. Both of said chirruns are complete fuckups. One daughter, Niece #1, has 3 of her own little crotch critters by 2 different guys. All 3 boys are in the custody of the state. And Niece #1 is not making much effort in turning her life around to regain custody. I'm sure there is more to the story but this is the part that I know & I'm probably better off not knowing the whole thing.
Cue my SS moving in. After a couple days of her moving in, she started in on me about needing to adopt her grandchildren. I finally snapped & told her that it was never going to happen, so she needed to get that idea out of her little pea brain. I also said that if she brought it up again, she could pack up her shit & get the fuck out & not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.
She goes running to my step dad & proceeds to tell him some cock & bull story about me just going off on her for no reason & that I told her to get the hell out. So after a bug family "meeting", aka big, loud, screaming match, she admitted that she left out the part about the kids. After my SD ripping her a new ass about needing to respect my choices & decisions, that if she didn't like it to go ahead & leave. *insert mumbled apology here*
So now things are back to semi normal at the ranch, so to speak.
After all of this I got to thinking about familial obligations in such matters & about a friend of mine who was forced into taking in her brother's children.
While I think it is admirable to take in a family members children, sometimes it is just not feasible or is just not something one wants to do. But if the decision is made for you, like my friend, where does familial obligation end?
My friend & her brother weren't very close & both of their parents had died several years before. In a sad turn of events, both her brother & his wife were killed in a car accident. After receiving a call from their estate lawyer she finds out that she is now the legal guardian for his two children. After lots of freaking out on her part because her brother had never even discussed this with her, she finally comes to terms with it. To make it easier on the children (14 &12) she packed up her life & moved across the country to move into their home.
But my question to you is, could you do it? Would you suck it up because it's family? God forbid something like that should happen to my brother, & he decided I was the best choice to raise his kids. What would I do? As much as I love my nieces & nephew, I honestly don't know if I could step into that role.
Actually I think I'm somewhere like #2972 on the list of people to take care of his kids. I think he knows I wouldn't be a good parental figure for his kids.
Absolutely not. I loathe each and every one of my sisters' brats, and my brother's remaining underage son is, while reasonably nice, the product of both parents being mostly absent on and off. My eldest daughter has yet to spawn, and my second daughter (estranged) has three by some crackhead who I met once and promptly showered three times afterward. None of the three seem trainable, from what I hear.
ReplyDeleteSo, to make a long story short (too late!), nope.
Not me, nope, no way man. No one would ever ask me though -- or thrust it on me, etc. My bro is childless by choice too. My friend who has a kid asked if I wd take care of her *dog* if something happened to her and her husband. Yes. Heh.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe they never discussed it with her; that is just insane. My fiance and I are in that position for his not-incredibly-stable cousin, but at least she *asked* us. While I said ok, I have been thinking a lot about it and am not terribly thrilled with that response. future-husband loves kids (but doesn't want any of his own) so is fine with it. I hate kids and don't want to be around them, but I said ok for the familial obligation side of it. It's a fuzzy line. Our one stipulation is a large life insurance policy, because sure as shit I'm not paying for the kids.
ReplyDeleteI do have some friends, now divorced, whom I wondered if they would name me as a guardian (hopefully a 4th or 5th choice, if at all). If it came down to it, I think I would: her family is so whacked out, she now has an order against them; and he is the youngest, meaning all his siblings are already grandparents. I did tell them under no circumstance was the dog to go anywhere but me!
ReplyDeleteI've agreed to take my brother's kids should something ever happen to him. Partly because the wives he had them with have both gone bat-shit nuts. The mother of the eldest tends to drop off the planet for a year or more at a time trying to find herself in SE Asia, and the newest and lastest went from Ad exec making a hefty six-figure salary, to prostitution crack-whore in less than a year (got to give her credit - that there's dedication).
ReplyDeleteOur one stipulation is a large life insurance policy, because sure as shit I'm not paying for the kids.
He SAYS he's got a million dollar life insurance policy, but knowing his affinity for creative accounting, there's probably a few zeroes missing.
I pray my brother lives forever.
It depends on who the family is. My blood sister has two boys. If my entire family died and I was the only one left to take care of them, I would. But I also have another sister and living parents who would step in too. My brother-in-law has a son and I would NEVER do it for him.
ReplyDelete