I Think Someone Has Been Spying On Me

Seriously. Because this blog post TOTALLY sums up my inability to be an adult.

Reason #6357 of Why I'm Glad I Don't Have Kids

I think over the period of the last 2 weeks I have managed to worry myself into an ulcer.

After being unemployed for the better part of the year & making Goddess knows how many phone calls to prospective employers & endless numbers of applications, I finally had a job. Well, I had an offer of employment & a trip to orientation. For those not in the know, getting a trucking job is slightly different than a regular job. Technically you aren't a real employee unless you make it through orientation, which includes a DOT physical & a drug screen & they hand you your fuel card & keys, at least at most companies. Most companies pay you for this orientation period, generally 2-3 days, but not until you have completed the entire process & if you flunk out for any reason, you get nothing. Unless the prospective employer is J.B. Hunt.

I had applied for a local position with J.B. for doing store deliveries out of the new Home Depot in Van Buren, OH. My application was accepted & I drove to Louisville for orientation. The first day was spent doing a few thing on the computer to finalize our applications, DOT physicals, drug screens & road tests. I must say I couldn't believe how rusty my shifting was after 5 months, but I digress. Day 2 was the J.B. Hunt physical which includes a step test, moving some weights around, & climbing onto this table like thing made to resemble the back of a trailer. Well I didn't make it pass the step test. You have to step up & down for 3 minutes, then they check your heart rate. It has to be down to 120 in 5 minutes. Mine was 125 after 5 minutes. Sorry, no job for you.

Now on to the worrying part. I actually got paid for those 2 days of orientation. A whole $118.05. Not bad pay considering most of the time I was sitting on my ass reading my nook or knitting. So I come home all dejected & pissed off & proceeded to spend the next 2 days getting drunk. Then comes time to refile my unemployment. I fill in all the pertinent info & being the honest person that I am I report the monies actually made during my 2 days of 'employment'. Come that Friday, I check my online statement & I only got payed for 1 week. At first I figured because I had income they would figure out the rest later that week. On Tuesday I go to the post office & check my mail & there is a letter from the communist State of Illinois Unemployment Office saying I may no longer be eligible because of my 2 days of employment. Cue heart palpitations & light headedness.

So after worrying myself sick for the last 2 weeks & applying to even more jobs, Wednesday rolls around & I refile my unemployment once again. All day Wednesday & Thursday I was a wreck wondering if I was going to get a check this week. I was thinking OMG I have to SELL ALL THE THINGS. Truth be told I'd rather sell a kidney than my nook, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do, being a semi-responsible adult & all. Cue 08:23 Friday. With much trepidation I logged onto the site where I can check my balance. After tying in my login info, I closed my eyes & clicked. I sat there for a good 5 minutes with my eyes closed, afraid of what I'd see. When I finally got up the nerve to open my eyes, I was never so happy to $738 in my mother fucking life.

What ensued was the happiest nekkid fat girl dance the gods have ever seen.

I so couldn't imagine my stress level if I had to support someone else. Of course if I had kids maybe I could have sold them into white slavery & all my money woes would be over.

Fuck You & Your Shitty Kid Too.

Why do I continually do this to myself??? I guess I'm more of a masochist than I give myself credit for. I was reading a thread on a message board when one of the entitlemoos posted the following.

.....the small creature we lovingly call a child, decided to throw her tantrum in the store the other day… It resulted in my dragging her round the shop on her knees, then her belly. I gave up caring that this would seem like bad parenting when I’d been punch in the face, kicked in the crotch (Thank bob I’m not a man) and finally bitten on my collar bone… I fucking didn’t care… Was a great birth control commercial though.

Why do they fucking do this?? Dragging your kid through the store instead of busting their ass & taking them out of the store is just so horribly inconvenient for you, so the rest of fucking society has to suffer because you're a selfish cunt? Just exactly when did this thing become acceptable?

I don't need to see your kid acting all shitty in public to know that I need to use birth control. It just reinforces it. Actually I think I may call the doctor tomorrow & see about having my uterus yanked out through my nose.

CF Haiku

No crotchfruit for me,

Animals are much cuter,

If the truth be told.

That's all I've got.

I'm a hipster & didn't know it.

I read this earlier today, & the first part of comment #4 just really stuck in my craw.

I'm really getting tired of the modern hipster mentality towards not having kids. I think it doesn't make any sense, it is pretentious, and it will be very harmful to our society in the long run.

Blah, blah, de blah, blah, blah.....

Personally I have chosen not to have kids because I know I don't have the patience or inclination to have them. I wasn't aware that I was part of some "modern hipster" movement. Which got me to thinking. Totally terrifying thought I know. But, it made me wonder if those of us that chosen to be chirren free are greater in number than in the past or does it just seem like it because of the ability to connect with others with our advance technolgies??

While there have always been CF people throughout time, for how many was it a conscious decision? Is it because because of the mombies, that we have become more vocal??

Why is it that these people who choose to go forth & procreate feel the need to applauded for something that every species on the planet does? At the same time those of us who don't should somehow feel incomplete??? Uhhhh, I don't think so.

Bad Parenting

This is what happens when you fail to exercise your authority as a parent & bust his ass. If I would have done this to my mother my head would still be looking at my ass.

Familial Obligation?

As some of you may know, my step sister has recently moved in with me. So if you have heard this part, feel free to skip ahead.

First a little background, my step sister is 43 & has 23 year old twin daughters. Both of said chirruns are complete fuckups. One daughter, Niece #1, has 3 of her own little crotch critters by 2 different guys. All 3 boys are in the custody of the state. And Niece #1 is not making much effort in turning her life around to regain custody. I'm sure there is more to the story but this is the part that I know & I'm probably better off not knowing the whole thing.

Cue my SS moving in. After a couple days of her moving in, she started in on me about needing to adopt her grandchildren. I finally snapped & told her that it was never going to happen, so she needed to get that idea out of her little pea brain. I also said that if she brought it up again, she could pack up her shit & get the fuck out & not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.

She goes running to my step dad & proceeds to tell him some cock & bull story about me just going off on her for no reason & that I told her to get the hell out. So after a bug family "meeting", aka big, loud, screaming match, she admitted that she left out the part about the kids. After my SD ripping her a new ass about needing to respect my choices & decisions, that if she didn't like it to go ahead & leave. *insert mumbled apology here*

So now things are back to semi normal at the ranch, so to speak.

After all of this I got to thinking about familial obligations in such matters & about a friend of mine who was forced into taking in her brother's children.

While I think it is admirable to take in a family members children, sometimes it is just not feasible or is just not something one wants to do. But if the decision is made for you, like my friend, where does familial obligation end?

My friend & her brother weren't very close & both of their parents had died several years before. In a sad turn of events, both her brother & his wife were killed in a car accident. After receiving a call from their estate lawyer she finds out that she is now the legal guardian for his two children. After lots of freaking out on her part because her brother had never even discussed this with her, she finally comes to terms with it. To make it easier on the children (14 &12) she packed up her life & moved across the country to move into their home.

But my question to you is, could you do it? Would you suck it up because it's family? God forbid something like that should happen to my brother, & he decided I was the best choice to raise his kids. What would I do? As much as I love my nieces & nephew, I honestly don't know if I could step into that role.

Actually I think I'm somewhere like #2972 on the list of people to take care of his kids. I think he knows I wouldn't be a good parental figure for his kids.